Good Morning, Friends

A recap of the past 2 months is in order.  One of my problems is that I work pretty much 11 hours a day.  And by work, I mean I barely remember to take my lunch.  Don't get me wrong; I am actually enjoying what I do, so I forget that I should stop.  That is a completely odd thought to me, but there it is.

 I know that I should take more time for myself.  So after getting some comments on here(they get sent to my email), I sat back and reflected on the balance in my life.  Now that I have my alcohol under control, my work has started dominating my life.  So here I am back on here.  The comments were a wake up call that there is more to life then going to work and coming home.

I cannot post from work, but what I can do is craft my post and come up and upload it.  Today I am going to give it a whirl.

I hope everyone out there has a GREAT Friday!!!  I missed you guys.

Well, well, well

I am still alive.  I am not 100% sober.  But I am not at all like the blithering idiot that I was.  The daily drinking is gone.  The weekly drinking is gone.  I have had a few beers every couple weeks.  And that is that.  I don't know if you approve.  But, one thing is for sure, I am healthier.  I am thinner.  I am in better shape.

I work a ton.  My husband is here with me.  He is working for the same company.  We FINALLY, after 2 years, have our own place.  We moved in about 4 days ago. We are renting until we figure out what we want to do.

I am so sorry that this is all that I have time for this morning.  I have been waking up much earlier and getting into a routine now that we have our own space.  So I am back.  I missed you guys.  Thanks for still reading and encouraging me.

Life is good.  I promise.

Also

I am going to try to get back in to the exercise thing in the morning.  This requires me to awake by 4:30.  That (and I'm sure some of you will be in awe, jealous, and/or think that I am downright insane) is usually never a problem.  I can get up early--and sit and drink coffee.  We'll see if I can follow the sitting and the coffee drinking with jumping around the family room.  We'll see.

I hate alcohol

I just want to say that.  I haven't had any cravings since Saturday night.  But, I hate it.  I love it.  But really I hate it.  I wish it hated me.  Maybe it does.  It acts like we're BFFs.  Bitch.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water. . .

My sister and her husband came down to visit before they went out with some friends.  My brother-in-law and my mother polished off a bottle of wine together.  My sister had nothing, of course (If you aren't familiar, she is a recovering drinker too.) 

I watched them pour the wine.  I watched them drink the wine.  I wanted their wine.  I hate wine.  I think I  heard a gasp from a few of you out there :)  I'm sorry.  It gives me a headache and tastes way too alcoholly to me.  

Tonight I did not care.  I wanted the wine.  Even though I don't like it, it seems to me that wine is a warm blanket in front of a fire.  It seems rich and inviting.  People are always drinking red wine at fabulous dinners.  I was not the largest fan of Eat, Pray, Love, but the Eat portion of the movie played on the senses that I believe would welcome red wine.  I think of hedonistic Roman parties with red wine flowing and decadent food.  Finally they finished the bottle.  I wondered if they were going to open a second.  All the time, my sister never faltered.  I am not sure if she was having the same fight in her brain, but I did not ask.  The second bottle was never corked.  And I did not drink.  

I know deep down that, even if they had drunk all night, I never would have had the guts (or stupidity) to ask for a glass of wine, especially in front of my sister.  But, I think I would have drunk if she had.   The gnawing feeling that has been absent for so long has returned.  Shit.

Good Morning, Sunshines!

It is day forty-something.

I quit actually counting a while ago.  Isn't that weird?  I do.  I counted last night before I went to bed, but I have already forgotten exactly which forty-something it is.  And, yes, I am too lazy at 5:52 a.m. to stop and do it again.

Maybe I'll do it later when I'm at my desk listening to the HR guy tell me about his "Great Colonoscopy of '89".

I'm Back!

Well, posting and working is something that I am going to have to reconcile with one another.  Everything is fine.  I am just pooped when I get home, and blogging has taken a back seat.

It has taken about a week and half to really get into a routine--at least in the morning.  We're still working on the evening.  When I get home, I usually just collapse.  Of course by collapse I mean feed myself and the daughter if my mother hasn't yet, bathe the daughter, get her ready for bed, read our bed time story, put her to bed, eat if I didn't before, talk to my mother, watch an episode of The Big Bang Theory, realize that it's almost 9, and go to bed.  It's 34 minutes past my bedtime right now.

My point:  How the hell did I drink, work, take care of a child, and a house all at the same time?  If I were to drink now, I'd feel like shit.  I wouldn't be able to get anything done that I need to get done.  So is that the secret?  Keep so busy that I can't even think about drinking. Oh believe me, I think about it.  Well, I have a couple of times.  A beer would be nice while watching my 30 minutes of TV, but we've been down that road before.  It's one during the TV show and the next thing I know, it's a six pack or more and a pack of cigarettes.

I still do wonder if I could just drink like a normal.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that I can't, so don't give me any shit.  Don't blame a girl for wonderin'.

I quit drinking when I wasn't traditionally (work) busy, and I did just fine.  I guess, though, that having a job does help.  I also gave myself 2 weeks off from exercise. Some of you workout fiends out there may find that appalling, but I am the type of person who is all or nothing.  I know that if I attempted everything that I need to do to consider my day to meet my perfect expectations and I fail, I will give up.  So, I started work.  Next we will ease into exercise.  Maybe 2x during the week at first until I figure out how to balance everything so that I am not neglecting the daughter (or the husband for that matter).

It has been a busy time.  I think that I will start blogging in the mornings.  I do have enough time.  That way I won't get too tired at night and say, "Screw it.  I'll do it tomorrow."  I do have things that I want to say.

1.  Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?  Or in this case, where in the world is Leslie's husband?
2.  Just what is it that you do at this new job, Leslie?  Ever use those fancy steel-toed boots or hard hat?
3.  Who is looking after the daughter?
4.  Where are you living?  Still with the parents?  How's that going?  (Take a big, fat guess :)
5.  Anyone at your job know about your number one vice?  (I'm not talking about my adolescent nail-biting.)

So there you go.  I'm sure there is more.  I am safe.  I am sober.  I am busy.  I am pretty happy.  Film at Eleven.